Disappointments - A Great Leadership Tool

Disappointments can be so discouraging. But they can also define you, mold you and refine you.

I have spent a little time today reading a book by Bill George, True North (2007), in which he encourages his readers to reflect on their personal stories and journey of life. One of the aspects of my reflection involved a walk with my mind's eye down through some disappointments in my journey of organizational leadership.

I have been disappointed by pastors and their words of discouragement spoken to me - words of criticism and lack of appreciation. I have been wounded by school boards who have failed to express confidence in my ministry while choosing to base decision making on the insights of a single parent rather than on our established relationship. I have been disappointed in senior leaders who have failed to see my potential and missed the opportunity to use my abilities for good of the organization.

As I thought a little more about disappointment, I would suggest at least four areas of discouragement: Intellectual, emotional, relational, and behavioral.

Intellectual - When a person expresses him/herself verbally or on paper, there is a huge risk that the expression will not be accepted with the same excitement put forth by the author/speaker. Papers, reports, written evaluations, verbal presentations, and even well-thought out suggestions can be the conduit of great disappointment. Hours of hard and dedicated work spent on a project that is causally set aside or simply ignored, can lead to deep discouragement.

Emotional - Disappointment experienced on the emotional level is even more difficult to accept than at the intellectual level. To have an idea rejected is hard... to have a passion or a vision ignored, dismissed and (the most deadly) laughed at, strikes at the heart and soul of man. Often we experience this disappointment in the form of a lack of appreciation of a sacrifice made.... or sometimes it comes in the form of ice-cold water poured over on exciting new idea.

Relational - The more important a person is in our lives, the more difficult it is when he/she disappoint us. When a person fulfills a special place in your life, like a mentor, or a boss, or a close friend, their failure to life up to their role can place major stumbling blocks in your personal, professional and spiritual life. Leaders must realize their responsibility when they sit behind their desks, share official messages from the organization, or even speak causally in the hall. If a leader falls from the pedestal and lands on a follower, the leader can crush the spirit, the emotion, and the soul of the follower. (I wonder how many people have been crush by my lack of wisdom and sensitivity?) The other side of that coin - the mentee or the follower can greatly disappoint the leader - so much time devoted to a new person, loaded with potential, only to have them walk away or betray the relationship. The most difficult of relationship disappointments must be the relationship one has with self. Because we know ourselves including every thought, attitude, unspoken word, and misplaced action, our frailties and weaknesses are so inescapable.

Behavioral - Lastly, the intentional or unintentional actions of others can be sources of traumatic disappointments in life. Unwise financial decision making can result in a lack of fiscal stability; failure to demonstrate integrity and honesty during difficult times can send ripples of distrust within an organization; withholding the truth from loyal and faithful partners can divide kindred spirits and cause deep fissures in the foundations of institutions. Actions speak louder than words - but either can be deadly weapons or sources of great strength. Encouraging words combined with actions of integrity result is healing and power; encouraging words without actions of honesty result in confusion and doubt; silence combined with questionable activity results in cries for accountability; and silence followed by folly results in destruction.

What a negative blog!! Disappointment seems negative and is filled with pain, discouragement and even anger. BUT... the key to living through disappointment is what it does to us inside. We can naturally bask in the presence of the disappointment with grand pity parties complete with black crape paper and tear-stained napkins. We can give up and throw in the towel of despair. Or we can see it as a God-given stepping stone to growth. Intellectual disappointment can drive us to better and more creative ideas; emotional disappointment will assist us in building character and displaying sensitivity to others; relational disappointment can move us toward striving to please God not man and to derive our inner strength and stability from the Savior; behavioral disappointment allows us to grow in our understanding of grace and our capacity for forgiveness. Disappointment needs to cultivate diligence, boldness, determination, and perseverance. Disappointment might be one of the greatest leadership-development tools in our lives.

Who desires disappointment? Few. if any. But when it comes, don't miss the opportunity for growth. Make the most of the moment to become all that God wants you to be.

Major Change - What Just Happened?

Organizational change is never easily accomplished. Change that involves the release of personnel is always painful. Restructuring of an organization involving the shifting of roles: some up, some horizontal and some down, makes for awkwardness, misunderstanding and wounds of disappointment. Done in a rash time-frame without caution and careful intentionality, usually results in negative consequences. Pride, lack of adequate communication, the exclusion of key leaders in the decision making process, and failure to foresee the ramifications of actions can fill the corporate halls with rumors, poison and distrust.

And when change involves the upper-level leadership in the institution, everyone in the hallway from custodian to V.P. shakes with the reality of the metamorphosis. Lines are often drawn, sides are taken and weapons of intellectual and emotional war are loaded and ready. The discussions behind the closed doors of the lieutenants are filled with speculation and anxiety. "What is going on? Who's in charge? What does this mean for so-and-so? What does this mean for me?"

As an organization is faced with major leadership change, great attention must be given to accurate, timely, and compassionate communication. A strategy for information-sharing at every level of stakeholder should be planned and executed with sensitivity and grace. Failure to do so will leave a path of hurt, misunderstanding and even despair. A proper agenda of communication can result in a new vision, a renewed excitement, and a deep sense of trust and appreciation.

The succession of an organization's CEO marks a new day in the history of that institution. The naming of the new "head" may bring mixed reactions (enthusiasm, disappointment, discouragement, joy, apathy, or celebration), and one of the keys to a smooth transition is careful, calculated communication. Sometimes decisions need to be made quickly and circumstances demand swift change, but the stakeholders of the institution need time and accurate information to work their way through the reality of change.

It is often the underlying issues necessitating a change at the upper level that makes communication awkward at best. "Why such a change... why now... why so fast... why was the new guy selected... why wasn't my candidate selected... why was so-and-so passed over... why... why... why?" To speak to some of these issues might be difficult, impossible, or undesirable. What should be said, who should say it, and when should it be shared, are all part of this incredibly important strategy for communication.

With a good plan and a well designed blueprint for sharing, even massive changes can be used to strength an organization. But bungling though change in the ivory tower without considering the knights of the round table and the people of the kingdom will weaken faithfulness and loyalty.

Major change in sight for your organization? Seek wise counsel... plan carefully... think through the ripples that will be caused by the rock of change... be prepared to listen to the people, to answer both good and stupid questions, and to share the truth... bring the torch of candor, the healing salve of humility and compassion, and the voice of peace and vision.

As the old saying should be stated: "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can utterly devastate me." May our words bring healing, restoration, hope, and revival.


Boardroom question mark found at:http://www.distinctlycumbrian.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=28&Itemid=41

Abraham Wilson

Can you be a good leader and fail? If an expert guide leads a team of climbers up the heights of Everest only to have death claim the lives of half the group, he is a bad leader? Is the effectiveness and success of a leader determined by the transformation of his/her vision into reality?

The story is told of Abraham Wilson who had a vision of transforming a violent neighborhood in the inner city of Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic into a peaceful community of hope. After a short visit to the capital city of the D.R., Abraham was saddened by the poverty of the people, the high crime rate and the hopelessness of the youth. He shared his vision of potential international ministry with several people in his suburban church in Lake Zurich, Ill. There was an immediate, enthusiastic response to the needs that Abraham so dramatically articulated. He began to formulate a plan to reach the struggling people of Santo Domingo.

Abraham knew that words are cheep and desperate people are individuals with desperate needs. His dream took the form of a school - a training school really, focusing on vocational skills that could help the people help themselves. His vision included farming, carpentry, auto mechanics, and general construction. Every student would learn English, literacy skills, good hygiene, proper cultural etiquette, anger management, and Biblical character qualities. Abraham's mission was to provide hope to the poor of Santo Domingo by meeting their physical needs first, their emotional and spiritual needs second, and their relational needs third.

Abraham was convinced that effective impact was only going to happen when people, like himself, left their comfortable houses around the Lake and settled in the poverty of Hispaniola. One Sunday morning, he announced his plans to move to the Dominican and to establish a training center. He invited anyone to come with him who wanted to commit year to the program. He needed mentors with vocational training, English teachers, Bible instructors, administrators and secretaries. To his surprise and great joy, the congregation responded: 10 people committed to go on the adventure; 100 families formed the centurion support group that raised over $200.000 so that the team could function for th first year without having to worry about expenses and fund-raising; the pastoral staff set aside one day a week to pray for the team and send them notes of encouragement; 15 young people committed to give up their spring break, raise enough money to fly to Santo Domingo. and help the team with a special construction project.

Abraham and the Terrific Ten boarded United Airlines Flight 6713 early on Tuesday morning and after two connecting flights arrived in the sunny capital city shorty after 8:15 pm. Customs was a relative smooth process and only 8 bags were search. Jose, a local pastor and Abraham's main contact in the country, was waiting for them and took them to a local hotel. The rooms were dirty, but no more than the adventurers anticipated. Once everyone was checked in, they enjoyed a simple dinner together and retired for a good night's sleep. Each member of the team expressed their excitement for the events held by Wednesday's sunrise.

Little did they know that Tuesday was the best day that they would experience in Santo Domingo. During the next ten months Abraham's dream filled with clouds of discouragement, pain, theft, betrayal, violence and even death. All eleven members of the team were threatened; five were robed at gun point; three were beat up on the way to the institute. Despite Abraham's efforts to market the institute and provide hope to the people, the Americans were rejected. Only three students responded to Santo Domingo's Institute of Hope.

Abraham met with his team every morning, allowing them to share their feelings, their fears, their frustrations, their victories, and their hope. The sense of collaboration and unity was incredible. The team experienced unity and gained strength from one another. But after eight months, discouragement took its toll. Despite the regular letters sent from Abraham to the church in Illinois, the weekly encouragement notes from America turned into a monthly newsletter. The youth group had to change their plans to visit because of the continued violence in Santo Domingo.

Month ten brought the straw of unbearable weight for the team. The school year was coming to an end and the students were looking forward to a month-long break. Abraham and three of the team members arrived at school early in the morning only to find Maria, one of their three students, curled up in a ball on the front steps. A closer look quickly revealed that Maria had been abused, beaten and stabbed. She was alive but the pool of blood in which she lay indicated that she was beyond help. Abraham held her head in his hands, two of the others stroked her hands, and the third sat beside her in disbelief. They all cried bitter tears of grief. Abraham whispered words of hope, prayed sweet words of life, and sang a soft song of peace.

After Maria's death, the other two students were too intimidated to return to school. After discussing the options with the team members, it was decided that they should all return home to Lake Zurich. Because of the various responsibilities, the team left in stages, two members left one week; four the following week; three more flew out the Monday after that; and Abraham drove the final member to the airport on Wednesday morning. Abraham shared with his teammate that he would be returning to the states on Friday, but he never arrived. A short, hand-written postcard to a team member indicated that Abraham had decided to stay in the Dominican Republic.

Abraham did not transform his vision into reality. Was his leadership at fault? Would we have to classify him as a poor leader? What is the measuring stick for effective leadership? Product.... profit.... fruitfulness... growth.... change....?

Survivor Lessons

I have to admit I am a real Survivor fan. I have watched the show for many seasons and I find it a fascinating study of leadership (good and bad) and followership (good and bad). The show is filled with crazy team challenges, small group alliances and tribal councils. Most of the contestants play a game filled with ethical compromise, dishonesty, and questionable strategy. The game has virtually no rules and the goal is summed up in the show's three word motto: Outwit, Outplay, Outlast. There are rules, however, to each challenge....some times the challenge is for a reward..... and sometimes the challenge is for immunity. Immunity keeps the winner safe at tribal council where one of the players is voted off by the other tribe members. All goes as normal until ten people remain, then those contestants voted out form a jury. The final three players then face the jury and the jury votes to decide the ultimate winner of the game.

I find it so interesting that the players strategize in amazing ways (some lie, flip on a promise, and blindside a member of their alliance) just to stay in the game another week. BUT... when it comes to their decision as a jury member, everyone looks for the person who has played the most ethical game and they condemn the player whose has lied the most and betrayed their confidence.

Russell Hantz, from Dayton, Texas, is a prime example of this phenomenon. Russell appeared on back-to-back seasons. He made it to the final three during both seasons. Russell controlled the game from day one until the final tribe member was cast to the jury. He manipulated, lied, and carefully thought through every move of his strategy. Each member of the jury was eliminated from the game as a result of Russell's authority. But when it came time for the jury to vote for the winner, Russell did not receive a single vote... on either season! Why? Because at the heart and core of the jury, they are looking for character; they are hoping to find a leader with integrity; they are wanting to support the good guy; the are striving to find righteousness.

I really appreciated Russell's creativity and his zeal for the game. He did not violate any of the established rules of the game (since they are almost non-existent) and he was always focused on how to move ahead toward his goal. It is interesting to see the unwritten rules that the players place on the experience. Russell beat every member of the jury with innovation, manipulation, coercion, and intimidation. These same weapons of survivor cost him the ultimate prize.

Some leaders in organizations make the same mistakes in life. The goal for the Russell leader is to defeat the competition and avoid being voted out. Relationship are secondary if not tertiary. Integrity is not to be valued above profit. Success is defined in terms of how well you played the game, not in terms of the kind of impact your life might leave on the game. Daddy Warbucks expressed this rather succinctly in the Broadway show, Annie, "You don't have to be nice to people on the way up, if you're not planning on coming back down."

But if you hope to leave a legacy; if your goal is to impact the lives of others; if you strive to be a servant leader; if your reputation is priceless in your personal economy, then relationships are paramount.... building friendships is important.... constructing a culture of collaboration is a top priority.... influencing, modeling, coaching, and mentoring others is a key to your victory.

Every leader wants to win. No visionary dreams about losing or failing. But some leaders define winning in different ways. When we get to the end, does the scorecard reflect the number of buildings erected, the financial assets on the balance sheet, the awards and blue ribbons in the trophy case, or does it reflect the number of lives that have been changed because of the compassion and love of the people in the organization, the sense of doing something significant in the world, and the strong bond of kindred spirits striving together to stand strong to shared convictions.

Is the game of life about Survival or Sacrifice? Is it about Outwitting and Outlasting or about Outgiving and Outloving? Can we play the game in such a way as to reach the top, but lose the prize? What will the jury say about our leadership?

Survivor Logo downloaded from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_%28U.S._TV_series%29

Do You Speak the Language?

I had a high school freshman young lady write me a note on the last day of school after taking my Algebra 1 final exam. It was a lovely expression of appreciate for the class and my support to her as a student. It was not hard to encourage her...she was smart and diligent and attentive in class. She has graduated from high school, is happily married a fine young man, and is off to explore new worlds of life and adventure...but I still have that note tucked away in an encouragement folder. When I get discouraged or nostalgic, I open that folder and reflect on the words of impact.

Isn't it interesting to think about the things that motivate us? Different things motivate different people. A small token of appreciation can thrill one employee while taking some time to merely listen to a concern from Employee B communicates the value you place on them. I recently heard a teacher in my school share that they were ready to "sign up for another ten years" after they received an email from a former student telling of the impact that the school had on his career and marriage.

Gary Chapman has written an interesting book entitled, The Five Love Languages (1992). I think the book was originally written to help spouses better understand their marriage partners, but I propose that these languages will help leaders understand significant ways to communicate to their employees. One of the major characteristics of servant leadership is to value people....and a key to valuing people is the accurate communication of that value to each person in the organization. The better the leader understands and begins to speak in the love language of his/her people, the more effective the leader will be in demonstrating value to the company's work force.

Gary Chapman identifies five distinct languages that individual speak. Any individual may talk in several dialects, but usually there is a dominate language that most effectively communicates love to our inner most being. If this concept is new to you, see if you can identify your language in my brief definitions. But more importantly, as a leader, see if you can begin to identify the languages of your people. Then begin "to speak" the value that you hold for your employees in terms that they will understand.

1. The Language of Words of Affirmation - Words of praise... acknowledgment and celebration of achievement... kudos in front of the peers... a note filled with deep appreciation for a job well done.... positive, sincere, and genuine encouragements from the boss. These are the kind of affirmations that communicate to some people that they are valued and needed. Some say that "words are cheep," but to the one who speaks this language, words are priceless and can serve as huge sources of motivation and inspiration. Who do you work with that speaks this language?

2. The Language of Physical Touch - extreme care must be given in speaking this language, but a leader must be aware of this powerful way of expressing value to his/her employees. A handshake, high five, or pat on the back can send a kinesthetic message of great importance to those who respond to physical touch. I had a class mate during my doctoral studies that made sure our cohort had a group hug at the end of each of our courses to celebrate our accomplishments and to affirm our commitment to help each other. There is great danger in speaking the language of physical touch with employees of the opposite sex and the wise leader will find other indirect ways to express it.

3. The Language of Quality Time - some employees need to spend time with the boss in order to feel in the loop, to experience trust, and to know that they have been heard. Undivided attention... engaged conversation... focused listening. Those who do not speak this language would rather be left alone and often keep put of the way of the boss. But "quality time speakers" need this interaction to feel valued by the organization. Certainly confidentiality must be guarded with integrity and appearances of favoritism must be avoided, but some employees are highly motivated when they sense they are in the loop of information and up-to-date on the projects under their responsibility.

4. The Language of Acts of Service - some employees are overwhelmed when the boss rolls up his/her sleeves and works along side others in getting the task done. The CEO on the shop floor; the principal setting up chairs for the concert; the foreman getting his/her hands dirty with the crew can communicate great value to the workers and help dismiss the disconnect between the ivory tower and the fighting of the dragons. Often this language is spoken by providing what the employees needs (not necessarily what they want).

5. The Language of Gifts - this language (particularly in the context of business) is widely spoken and appreciated. Even a small token like a company shirt, a mug, a free lunch, a surprise do-nut break or a special pen can shout out how much the organization values their people. If you speak the language of gifts, these small expressions are loud voices in your ears. If you don't speak this language, then these token might appear nice, but rather meaningless in the big picture of feeling wanted and valued.

How well does the leader know his/her people? How many love languages does the leader speak on a regular basis. What is the point of giving gifts if anyone is needing words of affirmation? More than likely all five languages are being spoken to any given organization. A wise leader will discern who speaks what language; and then attempt to demonstrate the value he/she places on each employee via the appropriate dialect.

Choose Between the Two

If you had to choose between the two, which would you select?

Organizational Growth.... or Organizational Integrity
Profit.... or Quality
Short-term Success or Long-term Stability
MVP... or a Championship
Deception... or Failure
Collaboration with limited expansion... or top down decision making with major expansion

These parings are not meant to be polar opposites nor mutually exclusive, but rather they represent choices to help us think through some major assumptions in our leadership.

Growth or Integrity. The answer seems fairly obvious to me. The correct answer is integrity! But I find it pretty easy to rationalize away a less than integritous decision with arguments of common practice and financial necessities. A decision based on favoritism in order to secure a financial contribution; a slight breaking of the rules in order to help the big picture of the organization; the blurring of the lines between the immoral and the illegal, so that "if it is not illegal, it must ethical."

Profit or Quality. Again the obvious answer seems to be quality. But if quality means lay-offs and economic down-turns, profit might be a matter of survival. If a small decrease in quality will produce a stronger financial spreadsheet and competitive freedom, then a focus on profit might be the better position. Without a balanced profit margin, the organization will not be able to continue and thus produce no quality at all. These first two pairs seems to have a lot in common.

Short-term or Long-term. Which is more important - tomorrow or 10 years from now? The obvious answer is, YES! Without short term success there is no long-term stability. Often times the change that is needed or the movement that is essential to organizational health is stymied by the desire to preserve stability. On the other hand short-sighted decisions or impulsive moves can hinder and even destroy promising organizations.

MVP or a Championship. Personal accomplishments and professional accolades - how great it is to hear genuine words of appreciation and encouragement from others. I never get tire of hearing, "Great job!" The gold star on top of my paper in elementary school was a huge source of intrinsic motivation for that little boy from West Virginia. The gold star today comes in the form of honesty affirmation from those I admire and respect. But are words of encouragement the quintessential goal of leadership? Or is it the culture of victory for the team. LeBron James just won the MVP award in the NBA for the second year in row - but he has failed to go to the big dance and win a championship. He is considering leaving the Cavaliers, not to get a bigger pay check, but to join a team that might lead to the RING. How important is team... and unity... and victory for the company.

Deception or Failure. The worst result in American culture is failure. Most people would rather quit their job, leave the area, move to a foreign country or another planet, than to fail. So when the possibility of failure presents itself with the only solution being bending the truth and proclaiming a small (or large) source of deception as truth, on which side of the this pairing do we find ourselves. As a positive spin is put on a very negative situation in hopes that the drastic reality will be mystically turned in sunshine, others find themselves in the dark or devastated when the truth comes out. What about those who never know about the deception because the situation resolves without disaster? Is a little deception acceptable if all things work out ok? Maybe honest failure is a better option to success with the veil of dishonesty.

Collaboration or Top-down. Collaboration can take planning and and time...often lots of time of spinning wheels. Weigh-in results in buy-in, but most organizations cannot run as a democracy. Delegating with authority involves a huge risk - they might do it the wrong way, or take a different path than I would desire. It is so much easier, faster and more efficient to do it myself. Micro-management gets a bad rap - it provides quality control, an emphasis on detail, and an accountability for accuracy. It also results in poor morale, cold water on personal motivation, a lack of feeling valued and an atmosphere of distrust. This choice is a delicate balance that must be evaluated, protected and constantly reviewed.

Who said that leadership was easy? No one!

The Choices of Downsizing

"I am sorry to tell you that our estimated enrollment is down 68 students for next year. We are anticipating having to cut our faculty by at least three full-time people. As principals, you need to begin thinking about these cuts as contracts will be issued in the next three weeks. Be prepared with your recommendations by next Tuesday"

These are nightmare words for a private school principal. How does a leader let a trusted employee go? In these tough economic times, many Christian schools across the nation are losing enrollment and thus are faced with downsizing the faculty. These personnel decisions are not just matters of seniority, experience and academic credentials - they are choices involving friends, colleagues, kindred spirits, brothers and sisters in the ministry. These are decisions that shake the emotional core of your heart; that pound away at your soul; that keep you awake at night with a mind racing to find some answer to save jobs.

The superintendent wants your suggestions on Tuesday, so you play out as many scenarios as possible and all of them leave you feeling empty when you draw the bottom line. Veteran teachers in positions of vulnerability.... new teachers with zeal and that something special but on the bottom of the experience ladder.... close friends - your kids grew up together in the school and played on the same basketball team... sacrificial teachers who love their students and have poured their lives into the ministry. There seems to be no right answer!! And yet your suggestions are submitted

The other side of this economic coin is painful as well. As one of teachers on the short list, how do you make sense of a termination? There was not a negative job evaluation, no reprimand for unwise classroom management, no complaints from parents, no rumblings from discontented students.

"I'm sorry Dave, but because of a downturn in student enrollment and the necessity to live within a balanced budget, I do not have a contract to offer you this year." How do you take that news, assimilate it, evaluate it and embrace it? How do you go home and tell your spouse that you need to find a new job for next year? How do you tell you children that you might have to move away from their friends?

How do you deal with feelings of disappointment, betrayal and anger? If the announcement comes from left-field somewhere and has caught you in a blind-side, how do you catch your balance and maintain your equilibrium? Tears of reality...cries of unfairness...words of frustration... the silence of numbness. Where is the band-aid to make it feel all better?

Both sides of this coin need the grace of God! Making the decision and receiving the decision must be accomplished in the presence of the sovereignty of God. Neither the situation nor the decision have caught God off-guard. He is in control even in the midst of chaos. It is in these times when the words of the hymn writer are tested, "Trust and Obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to Trust and Obey."

The closing of one chapter means the opening of another. Positive change often occurs because it is forced upon us. Decisions made for outside of our control should push us and pull us into the presence of God. These kinds of surprises can allow us to see with glasses of discernment, if we seek the will of God in the midst on confusion. Life-altering changes like these are ways that God can use to shape our character, direct our steps, and move us on to another adventure in faith.

For the decision maker: pray, pray, pray and then trust God for his gracious plan in the lives of your colleagues. For the decision recipient: pray, pray, pray and then hold on... your next chapter in God's amazing race in your life is about to begin.

You're Fired drawing from - http://www.examiner.com/x-3804-Baltimore-Family-Travel-Examiner~y2009m5d21-5-reasons-to-fire-your-travel-agent