Confrontation - Such a Misunderstood Word

Confrontation.... Is the ability to confront a major sign of leadership? Is a high level of professional intimidation needed to be effective as an organizational leader? Does a good leader seize the opportunity to confront wrong whenever he/she sees it?

As I have reflected on the concept of confrontation, I have come to some rather unique perspectives. Maybe it is because I don't enjoy confrontation - neither the process nor the end results; or maybe it is because of the commonly held expectation that the leader must play a dominant role in the confrontational process, but I don't see confrontation as civilized warfare. Rather I view confrontation as an opportunity for the peace maker... a challenge toward tactful communication... and an openness to new ideas.

Some seem to have the opinion that good confrontation resembles a bulldozer on steroids. If something is not right, the leader needs to expose the issue and exercise his/her muscles of authority. Confrontation is the leader telling it the way it is, the way it must be, and the way out the door for any failure of compliance. This mindset declares that confrontation is a calculated expression of coercion in which the leader lays down the law and provides decisions for all concerned. Most confrontation using this approach feels like the Spanish Inquisition, involving a cross-examination of a hostile witness. Tension is high and usually the conclusions involve wounded spirits, broken relationship, and forced compliance. Is the issue confronted? Oh yes. Are solutions provided? Mandated. Is everything better again? No, more shattered than Humpty Dumpty.

My thoughts on effective confrontation center more on the relationships within the conflict, than on the conflict itself. Even in a seemingly right and wrong situation, various perspectives are involved. I have seen that each party involved in conflict approach life with personal assumptions, presuppositions, and moral opinions... and some of these ideas may be based on individual preferences not universal truth.

I have found myself listening to one side of a debate, fully agreeing with the speaker and buying into their perspective. Then, as I listen to the "other side" of the dialog, I see the issue through a different set of eyes. The second slant takes on the ring of truth as well. Conflict is often not the good guys against the bad guys...not Luke Skywalker verses Darth Vader... it is often difficult to understand who is wearing the white hat and who is dressed in black.

Confrontation is often filled with pride, arrogance, and anger. In the midst of confrontation, I have seen both sides refusing to admit wrong, arguing for the sake of arguing, defending a position that makes no sense, and refusing to compromise in order to prove a point. I have experienced confrontation when both sides have come with six-shooters blazing... and after the shoot-out at the OK Corral, no one was left alive. I have also seen one party loaded to bear and the other blind-sided... this kind of pounding is not a pretty site.

It appears to me that the whole concept of confrontation is front loaded with some major flaws. The issues are usually filled with demanding individual rights, personal affronts based on petty misunderstandings, third party quotes (better known as gossip), unfounded accusations, and unforgiving attitudes. Instead, if confrontation could reflect a true desire to understand the other side, a humble attitude, an openness to compromise, a genuine commitment to personal growth and a hope to build deeper relationships, then confrontation might be more productive and worth the awkwardness of discussing touchy subjects.

There are obvious situations when rebuke and accountability are essential. If an individual is involved in sinful behavior, immoral relationships, dishonest professional practices, gossip and slander, or financial deception, the person must be lovingly corrected. Blatant wrong doing must be clarified and dealt with appropriately (Matthew 18 makes this clear). But "he said/she said" issues, personal differences of interpretation, disagreements on priorities, conflicting assessments of programs or personnel, all seem to be potholes for harmful confrontation.

Maybe this series of question might help us decide if rigid confrontation is needed.
1. Is my friend involved in sinful behavior?
2. Are the actions of my friend causing me physical or emotional harm?
3. Is my friend involved in illegal dealings?
4. Is my friend doing things is a different way than I would?
5. Am I hearing negative reports about my friend from other people?
6. Am I personally offended and have a right to be mad at my friend?

Affirmative answers to the first three question warrant confrontation. Affirmative answers to the last three should initially lead us to a serious self evaluation and a personal attitude assessment in order to facilitate a humble introspection and clarification of situations.

Confrontation - the opportunity to assert authority, or the change to make peace among brothers and sisters? Is it the iron fist of positional leadership, or the gentile listening of the servant leader? Is it the "my way or the high way" mindset, or the open minded attitude of the life-long learner?

Maybe a better word for confrontation might be harmonization - bringing dissonance together with the sole goal (and the soul goal) of transforming the dissonance into harmonious expressions of unity. Just a thought.....


Photo credit: http://www.success-strategies-u.com/idx-Conflict.aspx

When Is Enough, Enough?

Guidance Counselor Frank could not decide if he should sign the paper or not. If he put his name on the bottom line, it would provide a student with the opportunity for the scholarship, but not all the information was totally accurate. The student filled out the application and Frank was just verifying the content. The student's class rank was off by a few spots and his GPA did not include the last semester of class work, but the information was close and the differences would most likely not matter to the university that much. The deadline was last week so the application was postdated and Frank's signature would have to accompany a date of last Friday: not that big of a deal considering the dollars to be awarded to such a good student and an outstanding family.

Ethics in the workplace - there are many situations in the work environment that vibrate the tightrope of personal and profession ethics in decision making. A colleague who takes a double long lunch time without permission; an employee who comes in late three days a week or one who leaves early on a regular basis; a staff member who seems to talk more to friends and family on the phone than to clients and business contacts; the custodian who is often found in dark rooms with earphones in place and eyes half closed; the executive who uses slick words and deceptive "facts" to create a smokescreen of security.

The lines of right and wrong seem so clear to some people while quite blurred to others. In a world of relativism, the gray shades between black and white multiply in growing numbers. The areas of off white and deep charcoal are ever expanding, causing ethical issues to pulsate with unclear definitions. And yet, the ultimate truth of the Bible provides incredible clarity for those who embrace its authority. Without the foundation stones of universal standards, ultimate truth is unattainable and the opinion of the individual becomes the authority for the ethics of life. What is right for you is right for you - but don't force it upon me. I believe what I believe. I'm ok, you're ok, we are all ok, if we just remain true to our inner selves. Really???

Assuming that we hold to the truth of Scripture and live by the principles of the Bible... assuming that the teaching of Jesus and the words of the Old/New Testament echo in our hearts as the basis for decision making, then our ethic should be straight as a arrow and filled with personal and professional integrity. But what happens when it is not and our workplace begins to reflect questionable decisions and eyebrow raising activity?

I was playing a game of trivia pursuit recently and the question come up - What is the motto of the FBI? The answer surprised me - Fidelity, Bravery, and Integrity. I thought to myself - "what a great set of core values and what a wonderful mission statement for business ethics." If we could be people of faithfulness, courage and honesty, most of the ethical dilemmas in the workplace would be easily solved.

When is enough, enough? At what point do we draw a line in the sand and be willing to fight for an ethical standard? When do we defend a mountain that's worth dying on? If we find ourselves surrounded with a lack of integrity and honesty; if the communication from the top is not accurate or filled with misconceptions and a deliberate song and dance to avoid reality, how long do we continue to identify with the organization? What is our ethical obligation? Do we become a whistler blower and cause an explosion of dissension and doubt? Do we quietly resign and move on to the ranks of the unemployed? Do we continue to raise our voices of discontent hoping to be heard in the offices higher up the food chain? Or do we ignore the situation and comfort our minds with the arguments that the responsibilities lie with others above our pay-grade?

The ethical demands of employment often run deep and cause us to evaluate and assess our tolerance of the gray. Whether we are to newest employee on the payroll or the top dog in the leather chair, decision making is a daily part of our lives. Whether we are a recruit, or a sargent, or a lieutenant, or a commanding officer, integrity must rule our minds; fidelity to God must reign supreme; and bravery to take our stand must stimulate of will. As you face the decision making process today, take up the spirit of the FBI.


Photo of Street sign found at https://www.ibm.com/developerworks/rational/library/may06/pollice/

The Web of Debt

Debt is a nasty web that entangles in insidious ways. Although debt has become a way of life in corporate and personal America, destruction and turmoil are often the result of unsuccessful debt management. Borrowing allows for growth and expansion and, carefully managed, can be a tool for financial stability. But more often than not, debt enables the temptation for an organization to grow too fast without counting the cost of tomorrow. Debt can feed the ego of man, inciting the leader to commit to projects, programs, buildings, and property beyond the scope of his/her organization. The means to pay back fades in the light of the vision of new ground to be conquered.

Carefully planned financial loans can enable an organization to move to another level of effectiveness and impact. Solid business plans reflecting long-range budgets, including debt reduction and elimination, can provide the structure needed to avoid the pitfalls of financial calamity. Counting the cost before building the tower is a powerful and direct teaching of Jesus (Luke 14:28-33). Debt may be a way of life in the USA, but careful spending and minimal indebtedness should be the motto of responsible organizations.

An institution, whose balance sheet is rich in assets but weak in liquidity, could be on the brink of financial collapse. If the organization owns property, and buildings, and holes in the ground called building projects, but does not have the cash flow to pay for the people in those buildings, or to cover the expenses of programs and products that it provides to its customers, the organization is in a lot of trouble. From the outside it might look strong, solid, sleek, and attractive, but on the inside it might be dilapidated and rotten. Buildings purchased with debt dollars, annual budgets funded by internal or external borrowing, and a cash flow stream generated by the revenues of borrowed money, are serious indicators of financial problems.

The obvious solution for a property rich - cash poor institution is to sell some of the property. But "right sizing" can be a blow to the ego of the leader as he/she must exercise the appearance of a step backward. To shrink the institution in order to provide for financial stability gives the impression of failure. The realignment of priorities and the downloading of fringe ministries to protect the core of the organization might reveal some mistakes made along the way. Poor judgments in the decision making of encumbering the initial debt may come to light. But, it seems a small price to pay for the health of the overall organization. A nice meal with a smaller piece of the pie, is much more attractive that an empty table with no pie at all.

But, to exercise such a responsible financial position, assumes that assets can be sold. A highly appraised building on a desirable plot of land, is only as valuable as the buyer can afford. A beautiful $500,000 home is only worth $500,000, if you can find a buyer willing to pay $500,000. If the top bid is only $300,000, then what is the true value of that home?

Hard assets on the balance sheet look nice and can be easily used for collateral on a loan, but turning those assets into debt reducing revenue is not as easy as placing an ad in the local paper. Often the assets of an institution are attractive to a limited number of buyers. And in the economic times in which we live, liquidating a hard asset can be a hard task indeed. Sometimes financial survival hinges on the sale of assets. It is in those times that debt raises its ugly head and laughs at the fate of the entangled.

Desperate times call for desperate prayer.

Are Handbooks Worth It?

I sat in a meeting today designed to review handbooks. My initial thoughts centered on the tedious task before us and contemplating the true value of handbooks. How many people really read them? Aren't they basically ignored and only pulled off the shelf if there is a dispute or disagreement? So many words on reams of paper... are they really worth the time?

Then I realized that the culture of the organization is recorded in these handbooks. In turn, these handbooks help to define and bring about the organization's purpose for existence. These documents delineate the spirit of the mission of the institution. Without such written volumes, the flavor of the organization might lose its distinction; the mindset of the current leadership might not be passed on to the next wave of administration; the heart of the organization's mission might be lost. The information in these handbooks represent the foundation stones of the organization. These documents can lead to harmony, unity, and collaboration. They can result in clarity of vision, distinction in methodology, and agreement in administration.

The culture of an institution involves program, personnel and paper. Each part plays a vital role in creating an environment and climate that defines the core of the organization. The interaction between paper and people is the dynamic that allows words to have life. People take the verbal directions expressed in handbooks and give them legs and hands and voices. Paper allows the leadership to sing out of the same hymnbook... and in meaningful harmony. Paper allows colleagues to join hands, affirming the direction and goal of the ministry.

Paper promotes, protects, and provides for the programs of the institution. Paper also warns us of error and straying from our goal. Paper provides the structure that is essential for building a strong tower. Without paper, a program can become an entity all by itself and grow into a monster that can destroy the effectiveness of the organization. But with paper, every program can thrive as each remains within the balance of the mission of the overall institution. Paper can provide the boundaries of safety... the walls of the fortress that cannot not easily be torn down... the shield of protection against spontaneous tangents or "hot buttons" that lead to rabbit trails.

The paper documents found within an institution that define its purpose, describe its methodologies and procedures, and codify its policies are valuable tools in the leader's tool-belt. Whether it is making or defending a decision, the paper can be a great source of confidence. If a coworker needs rebuke or encouragement, paper is a positive focal point for dialog. If difficult times begin to crush us with anxiety and stress, paper can provide the calm of stability and direction.

Reviewing handbooks is still not my favorite thing to do, but understanding the critical role they play in the life and vitality of an organization makes the task pound with the heartbeat of importance.

Disappointments - A Great Leadership Tool

Disappointments can be so discouraging. But they can also define you, mold you and refine you.

I have spent a little time today reading a book by Bill George, True North (2007), in which he encourages his readers to reflect on their personal stories and journey of life. One of the aspects of my reflection involved a walk with my mind's eye down through some disappointments in my journey of organizational leadership.

I have been disappointed by pastors and their words of discouragement spoken to me - words of criticism and lack of appreciation. I have been wounded by school boards who have failed to express confidence in my ministry while choosing to base decision making on the insights of a single parent rather than on our established relationship. I have been disappointed in senior leaders who have failed to see my potential and missed the opportunity to use my abilities for good of the organization.

As I thought a little more about disappointment, I would suggest at least four areas of discouragement: Intellectual, emotional, relational, and behavioral.

Intellectual - When a person expresses him/herself verbally or on paper, there is a huge risk that the expression will not be accepted with the same excitement put forth by the author/speaker. Papers, reports, written evaluations, verbal presentations, and even well-thought out suggestions can be the conduit of great disappointment. Hours of hard and dedicated work spent on a project that is causally set aside or simply ignored, can lead to deep discouragement.

Emotional - Disappointment experienced on the emotional level is even more difficult to accept than at the intellectual level. To have an idea rejected is hard... to have a passion or a vision ignored, dismissed and (the most deadly) laughed at, strikes at the heart and soul of man. Often we experience this disappointment in the form of a lack of appreciation of a sacrifice made.... or sometimes it comes in the form of ice-cold water poured over on exciting new idea.

Relational - The more important a person is in our lives, the more difficult it is when he/she disappoint us. When a person fulfills a special place in your life, like a mentor, or a boss, or a close friend, their failure to life up to their role can place major stumbling blocks in your personal, professional and spiritual life. Leaders must realize their responsibility when they sit behind their desks, share official messages from the organization, or even speak causally in the hall. If a leader falls from the pedestal and lands on a follower, the leader can crush the spirit, the emotion, and the soul of the follower. (I wonder how many people have been crush by my lack of wisdom and sensitivity?) The other side of that coin - the mentee or the follower can greatly disappoint the leader - so much time devoted to a new person, loaded with potential, only to have them walk away or betray the relationship. The most difficult of relationship disappointments must be the relationship one has with self. Because we know ourselves including every thought, attitude, unspoken word, and misplaced action, our frailties and weaknesses are so inescapable.

Behavioral - Lastly, the intentional or unintentional actions of others can be sources of traumatic disappointments in life. Unwise financial decision making can result in a lack of fiscal stability; failure to demonstrate integrity and honesty during difficult times can send ripples of distrust within an organization; withholding the truth from loyal and faithful partners can divide kindred spirits and cause deep fissures in the foundations of institutions. Actions speak louder than words - but either can be deadly weapons or sources of great strength. Encouraging words combined with actions of integrity result is healing and power; encouraging words without actions of honesty result in confusion and doubt; silence combined with questionable activity results in cries for accountability; and silence followed by folly results in destruction.

What a negative blog!! Disappointment seems negative and is filled with pain, discouragement and even anger. BUT... the key to living through disappointment is what it does to us inside. We can naturally bask in the presence of the disappointment with grand pity parties complete with black crape paper and tear-stained napkins. We can give up and throw in the towel of despair. Or we can see it as a God-given stepping stone to growth. Intellectual disappointment can drive us to better and more creative ideas; emotional disappointment will assist us in building character and displaying sensitivity to others; relational disappointment can move us toward striving to please God not man and to derive our inner strength and stability from the Savior; behavioral disappointment allows us to grow in our understanding of grace and our capacity for forgiveness. Disappointment needs to cultivate diligence, boldness, determination, and perseverance. Disappointment might be one of the greatest leadership-development tools in our lives.

Who desires disappointment? Few. if any. But when it comes, don't miss the opportunity for growth. Make the most of the moment to become all that God wants you to be.