Disappointments - A Great Leadership Tool

Disappointments can be so discouraging. But they can also define you, mold you and refine you.

I have spent a little time today reading a book by Bill George, True North (2007), in which he encourages his readers to reflect on their personal stories and journey of life. One of the aspects of my reflection involved a walk with my mind's eye down through some disappointments in my journey of organizational leadership.

I have been disappointed by pastors and their words of discouragement spoken to me - words of criticism and lack of appreciation. I have been wounded by school boards who have failed to express confidence in my ministry while choosing to base decision making on the insights of a single parent rather than on our established relationship. I have been disappointed in senior leaders who have failed to see my potential and missed the opportunity to use my abilities for good of the organization.

As I thought a little more about disappointment, I would suggest at least four areas of discouragement: Intellectual, emotional, relational, and behavioral.

Intellectual - When a person expresses him/herself verbally or on paper, there is a huge risk that the expression will not be accepted with the same excitement put forth by the author/speaker. Papers, reports, written evaluations, verbal presentations, and even well-thought out suggestions can be the conduit of great disappointment. Hours of hard and dedicated work spent on a project that is causally set aside or simply ignored, can lead to deep discouragement.

Emotional - Disappointment experienced on the emotional level is even more difficult to accept than at the intellectual level. To have an idea rejected is hard... to have a passion or a vision ignored, dismissed and (the most deadly) laughed at, strikes at the heart and soul of man. Often we experience this disappointment in the form of a lack of appreciation of a sacrifice made.... or sometimes it comes in the form of ice-cold water poured over on exciting new idea.

Relational - The more important a person is in our lives, the more difficult it is when he/she disappoint us. When a person fulfills a special place in your life, like a mentor, or a boss, or a close friend, their failure to life up to their role can place major stumbling blocks in your personal, professional and spiritual life. Leaders must realize their responsibility when they sit behind their desks, share official messages from the organization, or even speak causally in the hall. If a leader falls from the pedestal and lands on a follower, the leader can crush the spirit, the emotion, and the soul of the follower. (I wonder how many people have been crush by my lack of wisdom and sensitivity?) The other side of that coin - the mentee or the follower can greatly disappoint the leader - so much time devoted to a new person, loaded with potential, only to have them walk away or betray the relationship. The most difficult of relationship disappointments must be the relationship one has with self. Because we know ourselves including every thought, attitude, unspoken word, and misplaced action, our frailties and weaknesses are so inescapable.

Behavioral - Lastly, the intentional or unintentional actions of others can be sources of traumatic disappointments in life. Unwise financial decision making can result in a lack of fiscal stability; failure to demonstrate integrity and honesty during difficult times can send ripples of distrust within an organization; withholding the truth from loyal and faithful partners can divide kindred spirits and cause deep fissures in the foundations of institutions. Actions speak louder than words - but either can be deadly weapons or sources of great strength. Encouraging words combined with actions of integrity result is healing and power; encouraging words without actions of honesty result in confusion and doubt; silence combined with questionable activity results in cries for accountability; and silence followed by folly results in destruction.

What a negative blog!! Disappointment seems negative and is filled with pain, discouragement and even anger. BUT... the key to living through disappointment is what it does to us inside. We can naturally bask in the presence of the disappointment with grand pity parties complete with black crape paper and tear-stained napkins. We can give up and throw in the towel of despair. Or we can see it as a God-given stepping stone to growth. Intellectual disappointment can drive us to better and more creative ideas; emotional disappointment will assist us in building character and displaying sensitivity to others; relational disappointment can move us toward striving to please God not man and to derive our inner strength and stability from the Savior; behavioral disappointment allows us to grow in our understanding of grace and our capacity for forgiveness. Disappointment needs to cultivate diligence, boldness, determination, and perseverance. Disappointment might be one of the greatest leadership-development tools in our lives.

Who desires disappointment? Few. if any. But when it comes, don't miss the opportunity for growth. Make the most of the moment to become all that God wants you to be.