Billy came to school on the first day of third grade. It was a new school to Billy; his family had moved from out-of-state over the summer. Billy had put on his new school clothes and arrived a bit early for his first exposure to the new learning environment. He arrived with lots of excitement.... but even more apprehension. Billy was a friendly outgoing young lad, but the large hallways and unfamiliar surroundings made him feel uncomfortable.
Entering the classroom, Billy meet the friendly face of his teacher. The teacher showed him a desk with his name on it, and she invited him to try it out. Billy took a seat and looked around the room. There was a lot of color on the walls, a big welcome sign up front and a large bulletin board filled with paper balloons and smiley faces.
He had barely gotten comfortable in his desk when other students began to arrive. He immediately noticed their happy faces and enthusiasm. They all hugged the teacher, who seemed to know all their names. As the other children entered the room, they quickly began sharing with one another - small groups were formed spontaneously. Billy, however, was not part of reunion.
As the bell rang out, officially beginning the school day, the teacher quieted the class and directed all the students to their desks. Billy received some raised eyebrows from John, seated on his left and Karen, on his right. He smiled at them and got two token grins from his classmates. The teacher began class by introducing the new student - Billy! In that moment of awkwardness, Billy realized that he was the odd man out; that friendships would have to be made from scratch; that relationships of trust would take time to build; that loneliness was to be expected until he could demonstrate his loyalty, ability, and worth.
These third grade feelings are experienced over and over again throughout life. With every new position, every new neighborhood, every new church, and every new social group, comes the need to build relationships of trust, to establish bonds of shared experiences, and to demonstrate acts of integrity. The tests of consistency, compassion, and perseverance must be passed in order to obtain the goal of acceptance and respect. There are no short cuts to trust and confidence. Time is such a key - joint adversity and group challenges can quicken these relationships of reliability, but trust is not easily granted nor gained.
Billy was welcomed by the teacher, but his classmates were much more reticent. The one who hires you or promotes may be excited, but your peers may have great doubts and fears concerning your ability and title. The classroom had signs of welcome and bright colors calling his name, but the others students did not offer hugs and high fives. The organization may put up a welcome banner and repaint the office, but trust and respect are more that posters on the walls. Employees are looking for the gift, not the pretty paper and the bow on the box. The people cry out, "Talk to me and show me your character. Walk in my shoes and show me your compassion. Get to know me and demonstrate your loyalty. Make yourself known and demonstrate your humility."
What happens when trust is demanded too early - when Billy has not had time to build relationships and to demonstrate his integrity? These are the times of awkwardness, and tension and doubt. These are the moments in third grade when friendships are made or broken; small steps of trust enable larger ones to be made; and a failure to demonstrate authenticity results in a reputation that is difficult shake. These times in the life of adults are often the crucibles of leadership that define ongoing effectiveness; that establish a confidence and support for future decision making; and that, if mishandled, can cripple the authority needed to move forward.
As leaders, we should be sensitive to opportunities to build and establish trust. Effective leaders quickly begin to deposit elements of trustworthiness, golden nuggets of honesty, and valuable expressions of faithfulness into the bank of relationships. Once an account has been established and sufficient trust and respect is on hand, a leader can successfully and effectively ask for others to follow his/her direction. If the bank account is adequately funded, the leader can ask for confidence in difficult economic times. If the account is new or depleted, doubt and mistrust may follow.
The first day at a new school and a new position within an organization have a lot in common. Time and consistency are important keys to building relationships that lead to respect and trust. Billy, build wisely and make the most of every opportunity to demonstrate truthfulness and faithfulness and integrity.
Graphic found out http://www.welch.cr.k12.de.us
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