My favorite reality show, The Biggest Loser, has been rather disappointing so far this winter. Season 13 has lacked the spirit of teamwork and support of previous seasons. There has been bickering and complaining like I have never noticed before. During a few seasons in the past, some players have emphasized the game more than the goal of losing weight; some have voted off contestants based upon their strength as a competitor rather than on their ability to be successful at home; some have irritated other players to the point of alienation. But this season seems to be filled with these negatives every episode. The support and respect that I have come to appreciate about this show has been overshadowed by negative personal relationships.
One contestant has a constant complaining spirit toward her trainer, a sarcastic attitude toward some of her teammates, a bent toward gossip, and a poison tongue that influences the entire game. She rolls her eyes and puts on a negative face in the gym. Another player moves so slowly and always has a reason to sit out. Her motivation is terrible and her face of self-pity makes it difficult for me to appreciate her situation.
During week five, the team that was eliminated in episode one without even making it on the ranch was given a change to enter the game. They had to have lost 50 pounds at home during their five weeks away. Daphne lost 26 pounds and her brother, Adrian, lost 34, so they reentered the competition. However, they were not welcomed with open arms. They were viewed as outsiders invading the established teams. Adrian, in particular, was rejected by his team and his strong personality aided in his alienation. He had immunity during his first week on the ranch, but at the end of week two, he was voted out of the game by his teammates. It was an ugly elimination with accusations and excuses – in past seasons, the elimination sessions were filled with tears because the team was forced to vote out one of their “family.” Adrian's elimination was discouraging to watch – sarcasm and childish attitudes ruled the room.
Week seven was an interesting week. Each of the two trainers selected one team member to represent the entire team. That team member was sent home (along with the trainer) to workout, and at the end of the week, the representative from the red team competed against the representative from the black team. Whoever demonstrated the highest percentage of weight loss, won the entire weigh-in for their team. The two selected: Conda for the red team (the young woman with the acid tongue, and the complaining spirit) and Daphne for the black team (the sister of Adrian who was voted out in the ugly confrontation the week before). Conda was a very vocal opponent of Adrian and had refused to accept his presence on the ranch.
I found it fascinating to see how each trainer approached this one-on-one weigh-in. Dolvett (Conda's trainer) used the week alone with his team member to try to get inside her head and discover why she was so sarcastic and negative. Bob (Daphne's trainer) used tDaphne's anger toward the red team's decision to vote out her brother as the major motivation to lose the pounds.
Dolvett was fairly successful in digging under the surface of Conda's life to discover a nasty divorce between her parents and the devastating impact of the drug culture on her father. A happy family was destroyed by a dad who crumbled with addiction. Dolvett was determined to probe Conda's thinking in the hopes that she would open up and share her wounds. He had a frank discussion with her and she indeed shared through many tears and emotions some of the scars left by the break up of her family. Dolvett felt that these expressions were a victory for Conda and that she had turned the corner toward living a more positive life. I found his perspective rather sad. Sure, sharing can be beneficial and acknowledging pain and suffering can be cathartic, but Dolvett had no cure for the wounds, no medicine for the illness, no balm for the blindness. The hope of reconciliation.... the freedom of forgiveness.... the spiritual health the comes from yielding... were missing from Dolvett's counsel (maybe it was there and just not shown on national TV).
Bob's approach was just the opposite and even more concerning. His message was, “Focus on the wrong done to your brother,” “Take revenge on Conda and rub her face in it when you beat her on the scale.” His counsel was to use her emotions of frustration, anger, and even hatred as part of her motivation to defeat the red team (the enemy). During the entire week, Daphne chanted the motto of revenge for the disservice given to her brother. At the weigh-in itself, she dedicated the results to Adrian.
The weigh-in was close - Conda lost by one pound.Daphne was so pleased although she shared that she was not glad to see the tears of disappointment shed by Conda.
The leadership provided by the trainers was disappointing to me. Dolvett was compassionate and filled with empathy – I admire his efforts in these areas. It is just too bad that the true solutions for Conda are not in the tool kit of The Biggest Loser. Bob, on the other hand, plummeted in my book as an effective leader. His team member won, but the seeds of discord and bitterness have been sown, watered and nurtured. Daphne will need to work through these emotions if she is to gain long-term physical and emotional health.
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